When Do You Restore and When Do You Let Go?

Every leader I know, if they’re honest, must confess they have done something that disqualifies them from leadership.  Maybe it was a bad decision.  Maybe it was an ethical lapse.  Maybe it was a simple mistake. Maybe it was a moral failure no one found out about.  Maybe everyone found out about the moral failure.  Romans 3:23 (“For all have fallen short of the glory of God”) applies to leaders too.

I crossed boundaries as a young man that should have disqualified me for leadership..  I made mistakes as a seasoned leader that could have resulted in dismissal.  Why have I been allowed to stay in leadership while others have been forced to step down?  I was blessed to have some people around me who knew when to restore and when to let go.

Restore when:

1.      It’s a mistake, not a willful rebellion.

2.      The leader owns responsibility for his or her sin or mistake.

3.      Time has been allowed for healing for all the parties involved.

4.      Third party counseling is used over multiple sessions.

5.      Public confession and repentance (when appropriate) has occurred.

6.      The leader has stepped aside for a season to work on his or her issues and is now in a healthier place.

7.      It’s a mistake that can be easily rectified.

Let go when:

1.      There is no acknowledgement of sin or mistake.

2.      There is no attempt to make amends.

3.      Counseling is refused.

4.      The leader shifts blame to someone else.

5.      The sin or mistake, by nature of those it impacts, makes it impossible the leader to continue in his or her role.

6.      The leader involved will not make decisions to change his or her conduct.

7.      The leader’s position demands credibility that has been lost.

Factors not to put in play:

1.      Holding onto to someone because they are a “high performance” player.

2.      The dread of having to find a new leader.

3.      Nepotism, mentor/mentee relationship, friendship, external business relationship, etc.

4.      Fear that “we’ll never find anyone that good again.”

5.      Fear of other organizational or personal secrets being disclosed.

6.      Pressures from those not in leadership who are supporters of the leader.

7.      Although this should go without saying, hoping it the situation will go away.

Bottom line: Pray hard for God’s leadership, hold to your values, be courageous.

Seven Questions to Ask When Dealing With a Moral Failure

What happens when someone in leadership has a moral failure?

Moral failures are not just crossing sexual boundaries; they include patterns of deceit, theft, harassment, assault and more.  Each situation is unique, but here are some common questions to guide leaders as they make decisions.

1.       How Bad Is It?  Misusing a church credit card for a personal expense one time deserves a reprimand, a second chance, and keeping a close eye on expenditures.  Charging $5,000 on a church credit card over multiple shopping trips deserves dismissal and possible criminal charges.  That’s why you need a team to analyze the impact of the offense.

2.      What message are you sending?  A student intern crossed a line with student of the opposite sex.  The Student Pastor saw great potential in the intern for ministry and pleaded for the intern to be kept in his position.  The pastor wisely saw the student involved would feel devalued and unsafe if the intern were left in the position.  Both the student and the intern needed to understand the matter was serious, even if it happened one time.

3.      Does the leader with the failure own it?  Listen closely to the leader’s statements.  Do they attempt to blame someone else for their choices?  Do they minimize their conduct and its impact?  Listen for something like this: “I made a terrible mistake.  I sinned.  I’m sorry.”  The person is dealing in the truth.  God can heal and redeem when people deal in the truth.

4.      What story do church leaders need to tell?  I get that churches need to be legally smart.  I also know that absent good information, people will connect the dots in the most pathological way possible.  To me, it’s devastating to the church’s reputation and to the reputation of the Kingdom of God for the story in the paper to be: “The church, citing legal counsel, refused to comment.”  The smartest thing legally may be to say nothing, but church and organizational health matter as well.  There is a way to tell the story and protect yourself legally.  For example, in the case of an employee who physically threatened another employee, you need to share that employee failed to uphold the values of the church, and thus had to be dismissed.

5.      Who are the innocent?  The innocent may be the family of the leader, who had no idea there was an issue.  The innocent may include those impacted by the moral failure.  I do think churches should provide for families when the church leader has failed.  However, I think the assistance needs to be structured in such a way so the family is helped and the church leader is not enabled.

6.      What is the right help to provide?  In church world, it is appropriate to surround a failed leader with prayer (not a bad strategy for all other organizations as well).  Provide counseling from a third-party provider for victims.  If the leader with the moral failure is truly repentant, offer third-party counseling for the leader also.  Church leaders greatly overestimate their ability to offer helpful counseling when a leader’s failure impacts their own organization or congregation.

7.      Are you the prophet? I’ve found myself in this role more often that I wanted.  Prophets don’t just tell the future; prophets declare the truth to people who are in denial.  Change doesn’t happen until a person faces the truth.  Often it means they must hit bottom first.  When a leader with a moral failure off loads responsibility, shifts blame, or minimizes what has occurred, church leaders have no choice but to be the hard edge of the truth.  That may mean letting someone go without a severance package.  It means refusing to give a good reference when it can’t be done authentically (also known as “lying”).  It’s a hard calling, but sometimes God wants you to be truth that accelerates the impact of reality.

I know no one wants to deal with the moral failure of a leader.  Chances are you will, and you need some good questions in your back pocket to get your started.