I would hate to be born a royal (not that it was an option).  Your choices are limited; your life is under a microscope.  People cheer when you rebel against the “system” and then condemn you when you cross the line.  If you are in the line of succession, you do not get to pick a career; it is picked for you.   

The headlines of late are about the strained relationship between Prince Harry, his wife, Meghan, and the Royal Family.  All their troubles are not new to me. 

Meghan married into a challenging family.  She knew that, but no one knows how challenging a family will be until they are in it.  I have done pre-marital counseling for couples that are trying to blend families.  They anticipate no problems with his, hers, and our kids.  Usually, about six months later, the couple is back in my office telling me one of the kids is having a hard time adjusting.  Making a family is difficult.  Imagine doing it in the spotlight.

People apparently said stupid things to Meghan and Harry, including a remark wondering about their baby’s skin color.  That kind of remark is out of line, but no surprise to anyone who ever had to deal with an aunt who has the sensitivity of a brick, or an uncle who had tipped a little too much wine at Thanksgiving.  Pat Conroy had a great line in South of Broad: “Family is a contact sport.”  You often must decide the price tag of maintaining a relationship and ask yourself, “Is it worth it?” 

Prince Harry was estranged for a period of time from his dad, Prince Charles.  Moving halfway around the world will do that.  It is said Prince Charles was not taking calls from Harry.  If I had a nickel for every time a parent or a child told me, “I haven’t heard from my (dad, mom, son, daughter) in years,” I could retire to a very large cattle ranch.  On the positive side, apparently, Prince Charles is talking to his son now.  That is good.  No relationship problem can be solved by lack of communication. 

Meghan said she felt suicidal during her pregnancy.   I hope someone told her that is not unusual.  Since I have never been pregnant, I can only rely on what women have told me.  Hormones are going crazy; a human life is growing inside of you, your body is not your own.  Frankly, I think every pregnant woman should be treated like royalty, and her feet should be rubbed every night. 

Prince Harry felt like he had to choose between his wife and his family.  Every husband will face that choice.  Your first loyalty is to your spouse.  My Mama told us when she and Daddy married, she would have left him a hundred times the first year if she thought her mother would take her back in.  It was only years later that Granny confessed she would have taken Mama back, but she thought Mama needed to know what “for better or worse” really meant.  I tell couples before I marry them that I cannot predict the future, but I can guarantee “for worse” will come. 

Harry and Meghan have stepped out from the protective umbrella of the Royal Family.  They are making their own way in Hollywood, albeit in a $14 million mansion. My parents were very clear: “The day you get married is the day you are on your own.”  I remember how excited I was to be called as pastor of Finchville Baptist Church in Finchville, KY.  I was excited to serve God’s people, but I was more excited because I had a paycheck, and the church furnished a house.  That meant I could propose to Gina.  Being on your own, away from family, is a good way to start a marriage.  You must figure out things on your own. 

I find myself wishing Harry and Meghan had not done the Oprah interview.  I have learned the more people you involve in your relationship, the more complicated it becomes.  Harry and Meghan invited 17 million viewers into their relationship.  That just does not sound healthy to me.  I am not familiar with royal protocol, but I think it would have been healthier for all involved if Harry and Meghan had called up Charles and said, “Can we sit down and talk?” 

I get that Harry and Meghan are going through a hard time.  It sounds like the Royal Family is too.  Most families I know have had a hard time over the last twelve months.  I think that is why Jesus told us the story of two builders.  You remember the story:  One man built his house on the sand, and when the storm came, it was washed away.  The other man built his house on the rock.  It was a lot harder, but when the storm came (and it always does), his house stood.   

Even if you are royal, sand is sand, and rock is rock.  It all comes down to a simple question: Where are you building your house?